Day 1-3: Confessions of a hangry beast

I’m going to start this post with some of the things I’ve realized over the first 3 days of the Ultimate Reset:

  1. I would honestly slap someone for a cup of coffee.
  2. I should have read the recipes a week in advance so I could manage my prep time better.
  3. There is no shame in you-tubing how to cut a papaya.
  4. There may also be no shame in buying pre-cut fruit for Phase 2.
  5. Things will not always be perfect and that is ok.
  6. They weren’t lying when they said the first few days were the toughest.
  7. My coworkers have probably noticed my level of irritability.
  8. I miss all of the things – coffee, beer, wine, pizza, GUMMY BEARS!
  9. Did I mention I miss coffee?
  10. I have never in my life spent so much time washing dishes.

End rant.  I know all of that sounds pretty negative, but that’s where my body is right now – detoxing negativity and all of the shitty foods and drinks I have been putting into it.  The headaches and flu-like symptoms are real.  The fatigue is real.  The “f&*$ off” attitude for no reason… is real.  But I know that I am going to get over this part and soon, start to feel great both physically and mentally.  So let’s talk about what I’ve eaten and what supplements I have taken over the last 3 days.

And so it begins…

Day 1 – I am going to be completely honest with you; my Sunday Funday had an extra ounce of fun in it so I didn’t get out of bed until close to 11AM on Day 1 (I had a planned vacation day from work).  This is where the “it’s not going to be perfect” part comes in.  I skipped meal 1 and started my day off with 16 ounces of distilled water mixed with the mineralize supplement along with 2 optimize capsules.  30 minutes later I had Miso soup and a microgreen salad.  It wasn’t bad at all.  2 hours after that, I took a packet of power greens and let me just say, they are nasty.  There’s no way around it though, so I plugged and chugged.  That night, I was supposed to travel to Reno for work so I skipped the planned dinner, took my 2 optimize and 2 soothe capsules, and made what was on the “Reset in a Crunch” menu: black beans & rice and more Miso soup.  And then I didn’t even leave the state because my flight was cancelled.  Good times.

Day 2 – I woke up and started my day the same as Day 1 (and the same as I will throughout Phase 1) – 16 ounces of mineralize and distilled water and 2 capsules of optimize.  Breakfast was supposed to be tropical oatmeal but I didn’t know how to cut a papaya and I forgot to buy a mango, so it was plain oatmeal with shredded coconut and walnuts.  30 minutes before lunch, popped my 2 optimize with my mineralized drink and then had a Greek salad, homemade Greek vinaigrette, and a 1/2 of a sweet potato.  It was filling, but not satisfying, if that makes sense.  [My body wanted poke].  Did the power greens thing, did the 2 optimize and 2 soothe capsule thing, and then made a Southwestern veggie taco for dinner; but instead of using a tortilla (that I also forgot to buy) I used the rest of my sweet potato and made it more into a Southwestern taco bowl.

Day 3 – Enter sickness and irritability.  The menu called for fruit salad, but I needed something easier so I went to the “Reset in a Crunch” menu again and made oatmeal with fresh berries.  The struggle was real.  Supplements were taken right on time, 2 hours after breakfast and 30 minutes before lunch, and then I ate lentil-lime salad and a microgreen salad.  (Anyone who knows me, knows I hate salad, so this is fun).  Supplements were taken in between lunch and dinner and then… while feeling like hot garbage, I proceeded to make sushi rolls for the first time in my life.  Instead of fish, I got to put tempeh bacon inside of it along with carrots and cucumbers.  I also had a japanese cucumber salad that was supposed to be marinated for an hour before you ate it (read that small print way too late) and some more Miso soup!  Good thing I finally found that miso paste.

Overall verdict to date – the food is good-ish, the prepping is time consuming, and the withdrawals are crazy.  But, I will report that I am feeling less bloated and the scale says I lost a pound.  Stay tuned for more adventures of the Ultimate Reset.

Where the %$*! is the Miso Paste?!

I am two days out from starting the Ultimate Cleanse so I thought dedicating most of my Saturday to preparing would be a good idea.  I went to the chiropractor for my early morning adjustment and then headed straight to Sprouts with my shopping list and an eager attitude.  About 40 minutes in, I was about to lose my mind.

First of all, this shopping list is not your typical “I’m just going to run to the store real quick” type of situation.  But the 3 page list wasn’t what kicked my stress level into overtime – it was feeling like an alien among people who clearly shop for things like jicama all the time.  Here I am, trying to find a place to park my cart so I can read the novel that is my grocery list, and everyone else is flying by like they are being timed for the quickest shopper award.  I was not in my element.

And then I got to the item on the list that actually made me quit shopping, check out, and go home.  Do you ever feel like people know that you don’t know what the hell you’re doing?  You know, that paranoid feeling that other shoppers have literally counted how many times you have lapped the store?  Yep – that was me on the hunt for stupid miso paste.  After about 5,000 steps and feeling like I was going to scream, I tucked my tail between my legs and got out of there.

Which brings me to the section of this post where I tell you what I would have done differently to get my Phase 1 shopping done:

  • Research the items you have never tried or heard of so you know what part of the store they are in OR what store carries it at all.
  • Check for alternatives before you go [I spent 10 minutes alone just trying to find out what the equivalent to farina is].
  • Have a plan.  Know where you’re going to get your produce, where you’re going to get the weird, one-off stuff, and try to go on a weekday when the entire city isn’t also trying to shop for the week.
  • Utilize a delivery service.  Seriously.  [the link below gets you $10 off your first order].

I really did think it was going to be fun to put in the time and effort for something I plan on seriously sticking to for 21 straight days, but the truth is, I would have been happier had I just pulled up Whole Foods on InstaCart and paid the little bit extra… which I ended up doing because it turns out I missed 12 items anyway.  Ah well, at least I know what I’ll be doing for Phase 2.

Monday is the big day!  I’ll be posting photos of my meals and routine on my Instagram and on this blog so make sure you check in for progress and some laughs.

trust your ability to bounce back

Well, hello!  It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  About 8 months to be exact.  But here I am, bouncing back, ready to share new adventures with all of you curious people.  Let’s recap, shall we?

previously, on choose happy…

After that last post about letting go, I struggled with actually letting go.  It took me a couple more months to figure out what that truly meant.  But today, I am here telling you that divorce was one of the best things to ever happen to me.  It might sound crazy, but I am a better version of myself after learning AND accepting what it was I wanted out of life.  Oh, and every one of the horrible circumstances I endured ultimately led me to Aaron [cheesy grin goes here].

Now, I am navigating this new relationship with this incredible human being and for the first time, I feel like everything is happening the way it is supposed to.  I look back at all of the mistakes that I have made and the red flags that I have ignored over and over again in my past relationships and I realize, it all happened for a reason.  I have grown in so many different ways because of those challenges and now I am comfortable with just being me and sharing that person with a guy I thought only existed in dreams [it’s over the top, i know].  I am lucky, I am happy, and I feel like I can do anything – well, almost anything.

 “I am not a product of my circumstances, I am a product of my decisions.” 

– Stephen Covey

A couple of years ago, I was in a bad car accident.  I was in physical therapy for four months and essentially, had to learn how to walk properly again.  But, I bounced back.  I bounced back so much that I started this bad ass workout program called 80 Day Obsession at the end of May this year.  I was on point with my nutrition, my workouts, and I was feeling AMAZING… until day 40 when I reinjured my back.  That was about a month ago and I have been miserable since.  I am back in treatment and seeing a chiropractor 3 times a week; I can’t work out and it hurts to wear high heels.  So naturally, I spiraled into a routine of shitty food and lots of beer.

But, that is changing on August 6th.  [we are finally to the reason for this blog post, by the way] I need to snap out of this nonsense.  I was looking for something that would hold me accountable, that would challenge me, and that would help me feel better, so I decided to do the 21 Day Ultimate Reset by Beachbody.  And, I’m going to share the entire experience with anyone who cares to read about it on this blog.  So, if you’re interested in the effects a detox/cleanse with real foods, minerals, and supplements can have on the body, you may want to check in with me from time to time.  I am going to post a few goals for this week on my Lifestyle page that should help me prepare for the program.  6 days to go…  join me, won’t you?!


Please understand, I am not a doctor or a nutritionist, or anything else that falls under the umbrella of giving medical advice.  I am simply interested in resetting my body and my mindset so I can get back to a place where I feel good physically and mentally. 

just let it go

I just spent the last 2 hours talking to my grandmother and I’m pretty sure she invented the concept of choose happy.  There is something so refreshing about talking to someone who has lived through all of the bullshit and can just tell it like it is… I missed her.  That conversation made me realize how important family, especially grandparents, are and yet, I used my embarrassment of my divorce as a reason not to call her more just to chat.  And do you know what she said when I told her that?  “Just let it go.”

The topics of our conversation ranged from how we are both sick right now, to marriage and how hard it is, to not letting negativity affect you.  She listened to the long, drawn out story of the last few months of my life and she offered advice at the moments my voice began to crack with emotion.  She said, “Sweetheart, sometimes things don’t work out.  You couldn’t have known that this would happen,” and I agreed, but also disagreed, because I had another list of things that fell under the I Should Have Known category.  Once I was done spewing more emotions, she simply said, “stop going back and forth.  You can’t look back anymore, honey.  What’s done is done and now your job is to move forward and live a new life.”

**dramatic pause to appreciate my grandma’s no bullshit advice**

And it’s not that I didn’t know these things; it’s not that my friends and other family haven’t told me these things too.  But this straightforwardness from a woman who has lived through some hard times, it just spun my perspective a little bit.  And from it, I grew a little bit stronger today.

And in some true, choose happy fashion, I will leave you with some other “Nicki’s Grandma’s Advice” :
•Always say good morning or pay a compliment to someone when you see them – you never know what kind of day they’re having and you have the power to make it better.
•Don’t let negativity affect you – whatever shit they are going through doesn’t have to be your shit [yep, she said that]
•Don’t hold ill feelings against someone – just pray that they find the happiness they are looking for.  Praying for them will make you feel better too.
•Look in the mirror every morning when you wake up and say “I love myself.”
•”Just let it go” (in reference to any of the following: pain, things you can’t control, other people’s anger, sadness, tough memories, the idea of what you thought things were supposed to be like).

it’s all about balance

It’s officially acceptable to say things like “tis’ the season” and “happy holidays” – I thought I was going to despise it all because of what’s going on in my life, but I have been pleasantly surprised by my overall emotional state. A lot has happened this week and it has reminded me of all of the amazing things I have to be thankful for. There have been so many times in the last few months that I have felt like my world was falling apart, but this week, I feel like a change is beginning; I feel like I’m finally stepping out of the darkness.

“Friends are the family you choose”

For the last 3 years, I have spent Thanksgiving with my family or his. So, as the holiday approached this year, I couldn’t help but be sad. I genuinely miss those moments I was able to spend with his mom and his grandmother as well as the ones he was able to share with my amazing family. But, once again, I knew I had a choice between staying sad or finding happy. I had always heard about people doing “Friendsgiving” and I thought it would be a perfect new tradition to start. It was so much fun! We sat around talking and laughing, drinking too muchall of the red wine. We shared jokes and stories and even some tears later in to the night – but happy tears; thankful tears. And instead of going home on Thanksgiving, my best friend invited me to share it with her family and I can’t even explain how it felt to be a part of another person’s traditions.

The cloudiness from the wine the night before instantly wore off when her six year old screamed “Nicki” as he ran up and hugged me tight. And every family member that showed up after hugged me just like that, as if I was one of their own. The warmth in my heart yesterday was more than I have felt in a while. I am so grateful to them for allowing me to sit at the dinner table to eat and share laughs; to create memories and experience true happiness on a holiday I was sure was going to be miserable. It was exactly what I needed. When the time came, I said my goodbyes and drove home in silence, as I tend to do when a lot is on my mind.

Once I was home and changed in to my pajamas, I sat down on the couch and I cried. This time, the tears were a combination of gratefulness to my friend and her family and sadness because I was missing the traditions he and I shared over the last few years. I think it’s normal for me to burst out in random crying here and there [or at least I tell myself it is] because, especially during this time of the year, it just feels like something is missing. His family, his friends, his jokes, all of it – it was all a huge part of me. But I guess it’s all about balance, right? You submerge yourself in the new experiences with your friends and their families but you also take time to remember and appreciate what life used to be like. As painful as it is, I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to pretend like it’s easy to move on.

But I think that’s how I know that things are beginning to change – I want to remember all of the good things while trying to move on. Before, I did everything I could to block out the memories. Honestly, that’s not possible. The mind is a crazy, overwhelming place and somehow, we all have to figure out how to balance the millions of thoughts that go on in there everyday. And when possible, we also have to figure out how to choose happy, whether that be memories, experiences, or people [or all of the above]. Here’s to finding and choosing the happy for the rest of this holiday season and all of the seasons to come.

– nicki

everything is going to be ok

November 13th seemed like the perfect day to get married last year…how was I to know that it wouldn’t work out? In hindsight, I kind of wish I would have planned it further from the holidays, but it is what it is; I knew this month was going to be tough. On the day that would have been our first anniversary, I contemplated between hiding in bed all day and going on an adventure. I’m so glad that I chose the latter. There is something extremely freeing about driving all alone to a beautiful destination in silence. It took me a while to process the emotions from that day and every day since, to be honest, but I think I’ve finally figured some of it out.

I chose Prescott, Arizona for my [day]venture because it’s a little familiar, a little cooler, and a little quirky. I spent hours browsing through antique stores, looking at all of the things that once belonged to someone else. At one point, I passed through a booth with a sign that read “choose happy” and my eyes welled up with tears because I felt like it was meant for me. I bought a scarf and some coffee and found myself wandering through the courtyard watching the leaves fall. And then I sat on a park bench for a while with my thoughts; there were moments of peace in between many emotional memories. In all honesty, I enjoy thinking about my wedding day in Hawaii because it wasn’t just about me getting married. It was also a beautiful Sunday on the beach where I was able to share laughs and happiness with my family and friends and that will always be something I cherish.

That’s the toughest part though – being able to separate that happiness from the pain. Sometimes you can’t control where your mind goes and the next thing you know, you’re a snotty mess in a public place with no tissues. But, you get through it. And then you walk around aimlessly taking photos, absorbing the beauty around you, and when you feel ready, you take your time on the back way home.

A year ago, I never would have pictured myself sitting here blogging about how it feels to go through a divorce. I thought we were happy; I thought things were perfect. I don’t think you can ever really be prepared for anything traumatic. I’ve always thought of myself as strong and independent, but every day, I am learning that everyone falls and weakens sometimes. I know this will get easier but I also know that it’s going to take a lot of time. Truthfully, I’m grieving a loss and trust me, it hurts.

I am sharing all of these thoughts and feelings in this blog because I know, somewhere out there, there are other women feeling small and defeated from the experiences of divorce or maybe from something else entirely. And I guess I want those women, along with anyone else reading this, to know that everything is going to be ok. In light of all of the pain and sadness, you learn things about yourself that you didn’t know before and suddenly, you’re transformed. Each day, you get a little stronger [and you actually end up having A LOT of conversations with yourself which may cause people and/or animals to look at you funny]. I’m just trying to remember that everything happens for a reason and that if I choose happy, I’ll continue to get through this, one day at a time.

life is better when you’re laughing

 “the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – ee cummings

Facebook tells me that last year on this day, I was drinking wine out of my new Kate Spade “his & hers” glasses that we received as a wedding gift.  [side eye, annoyed emoji goes here]  A pro and con of social media: reminders of all the memories in your life.  But hey, I’m dealing with it.  A quick scroll and I’m right back in the land of mindless cat memes and Chive articles.  Isn’t that funny?  One moment, you can be cringing at a painful photo and the next, you can be laughing uncontrollably at a baby goat saying “what’s up?”.  But, that’s my point.  We have a choice.  We can wallow in the sadness of something that no longer exists or we can move on and just fucking laugh at something else.  We can choose happy.

 And, it’s healthy!  No joke, I did a little research on the health benefits of laughing, and things like “improved immune system” and “relieve pain” came up.  If you think about it, it’s true; those moments when you’re sobbing and you feel like you can’t breathe and then your sister makes a stupid joke and you instantly find the ability to laugh.  Your body is basically providing you with its own painkillers while endorphins are released from your brain.  Oh, and apparently it burns calories, which is helpful in my case since I’ve eaten my weight in pizza and Thai food since filing for divorce.  But, in all seriousness, aside from my amazing support system, laughing really does help me feel better about myself and my situation.  [also, I feel like an asshole for rolling my eyes all those times my grandma said “laughter is the best medicine.”]

Speaking of medicine, I went to see A Bad Mom’s Christmas on opening night and I must say, it was the ultimate stress relief.  I don’t have children, but I could still relate to everything in that movie and I am telling you, I NEVER stopped laughing.  It didn’t get great reviews, but don’t let that fool you.  I would watch this over and over again (with or without alcohol).  Grab your friends, take a night off, and go see this movie.  And don’t forget to laugh today.

warning: this trailer may be inappropriate for little ones.